It Wasn’t Just a Wedding, WE ARE MARRIED!
I can’t believe it is 2011 already! Where did time go? What have I been doing and with whom have I been doing it? Did I do everything I wanted to do last year? Did I accomplish all that I said I was going to accomplish? I must say that some exciting things happened in 2010 that changed my life forever. I saw people graduate, get married, buy homes, find jobs, get saved, have children, travel the world and do other great things. I am quite biased and have quite a bit for which I am thankful. On June 26, 2010 I married the most beautiful woman creation has ever seen, Maranda Curtis-Willis. There were many who remained by my side in the process because they were faithful and loyal to me as friends. There were others who came around simply to see what they could find out and see what rumors they could endorse. Regardless as to why they were here, I’m grateful for the experiences. There were nights I cried and asked countless questions to God, mentors and friends that I trusted. There were nights I didn’t even understand who I was and what I was doing. There were days I wanted to stay in the house to avoid what others were going to say. There were times I wanted to escape reality just to live in peace when presented with so much chaos.
I have a story. We all do. I have a history. We all do. That’s a testimony already! Many still live in what I escaped. After being sexually abused, living a life of promiscuity and being in the church the entire time, I realized that my story wasn’t unique. I was just bold enough to say something about it while I was in it. I didn’t wait until it was over. I cried from the dark place hoping that my life would illuminate others living in darkness. I had decisions to make and changes to enforce. This wasn’t about getting married. It was about living. If I would have stayed single for the rest of my life, I still had a responsibility in getting myself together. So many great things were happening for me, but I still felt empty. People were always surrounding me, but I still felt alone. I have eight brothers and three sisters whom I can call at any moment, but I didn’t even want to call them. Something was wrong and I needed to pay it some attention. I started seeing a psychologist. Prayer is good, but I didn’t have to pray as hard once I got help! This process began a few years ago. I didn’t start this when I decided I wanted to get married. I started it when I decided I wanted to get better!
When I met Maranda I was broken, full of flaws and living in direct rebellion to the life to which I am called. I met her when I was in college and knew there was “something” about her to which I was attracted. I didn’t think twice about it. I just took it for what it was. Time passed and we got acquainted as friends. Neither one of us had the desire to date each other, but thought it wouldn’t be harmful just to get to know one another. As time progressed I saw a beautiful heart that had been broken, but had the strength to love me and accept me. I saw a smile that could brighten the darkest day. I was introduced to her voice, but then I met her heart. We shared things about our past and our present. We would occasionally share our future dreams with each other. By this time, months and even years have passed. We were wise enough to know that we saw things that matched and we had to pray for guidance in all of this. And we did. While we were friends, years before we started dating, I shared with Maranda that I had taken a physical and found out that I was HIV-positive. (…go ahead, breathe…as if you didn’t already know) Now, let’s get back to my story. Contrary to the rumors that have been circulated and are still circulating, I didn’t marry her without her knowing. I didn’t even wait until we started dating to tell her. I was diagnosed September 7, 2004 and told her shortly afterwards. We weren’t dating, but she was my friend and I was compelled to tell her, which means what? Her decision years later to date me and even later, to marry me, was made knowing the diagnosis. I just remain grateful that she was able to realize that my condition was not my conclusion.
Naturally, she had questions and I answered them. She had fears and I respected them. More importantly, she had faith and I am grateful for it. Everything that MARANDA needs to know about who, what, when, where, why and how, she knows. I’ve heard the rumors, but I chose not to run after them. I’ve been in the same room as people having conversations about me, but they were too ignorant to realize that the subject of their conversation was in the same room. That took strength, courage and wisdom (thanks India Arie) to live through. I wanted to say something, but knew it would be better if I refrained. I wanted to fight, but God kept me. Sometimes I had to leave places just to keep my sanity and refrain from acting out of character. I’ve even been in churches and have been the target of messages from pastors and church leaders, not realizing that I was sitting in their congregations. I survived all of that. One of the reasons I survived that is because God knew I had a wife to marry.
Time passed and we got close enough to start dating. So, we did. We started dating in 2008 after being introduced to each other years before. We had time to talk, learn from each other and grow. We did not allow our pasts to rob us of our future together. Our pasts were still there, but they didn’t hold us. Our hurts were still present, but they didn’t hinder us. We saw purpose in the face of the pain. It was a tough fight, but we made it. Imagine how she must have felt carrying this information for so long. How were people going to respond? What were they going to say? What were they going to do? Would she still feel this way weeks or months later? I thought about all of this because I wanted to protect her and be there for her. After believing she was my destiny, this was more than me. I had her to think about. The further time progressed I realized that this was a battle that we would have to fight together. It was a joy because I no longer had to fight it by myself. I had somebody I could sit and talk with for hours about what I was feeling, thinking and what I believed was happening. Many were attracted to her voice, but I fell in love with her heart. That’s what grabbed me then and that’s what keeps me today. What did our families have to say? That’s a book all by itself. Stay tuned, you’ll find out. Many had concerns, questions, rebuttals and harsh words to say, but we survived that as well. What did our church leaders have to say? Many had concerns, questions, rebuttals and harsh words to say, but we survived that too! We didn’t know how we would, but we did! We literally thought it was going to destroy us and turn us against each other. We hurt, but we made it.
So, almost 7 months after we said “I do!”…we are here! All I can say is this, it was more than just a wedding…we are married! Since we have been married we have had to entertain rumors that I am suffering from HIV. Now, let me be clear about something. I am clear about what my test results say, but I’m not suffering from anything. I’m perfectly healthy and live a normal life. I have gone from taking 26 pills per day to not taking meds at all. But I’m suffering? I am 6’3” and well over 200lbs. But I’m suffering? I have good… great… amazing… spectacular…wonderful sex with my wife. But I’m suffering? Let’s get one thing straight. I’m living with HIV, but I’m not suffering from anything. Many have tried to offer their regrets that we won’t be able to have children. Well, where did you get that? I’ll just say this; we WILL parent our own children NATURALLY. In fact, we plan to start that sooner than later. We’re just having fun practicing for the moment. I don’t need a trophy after I hit a homerun every time! Lately, rumors have been circulating that I gave Maranda AIDS. Now, unless there is something medically possible and I’ve missed the educational piece, I don’t see how that’s possible. How is it possible for me to give her something that I don’t even have? Again, I don’t have AIDS and neither does she. I’m HIV-positive, but she’s not! We’re not dating any longer. We are no longer engaged. We had a wedding, but now we’re married! What’s interesting is that people are up at night trying to figure us out while we are resting peacefully. Carry on. We have learned how to sleep through a storm and stand in the midst of a fire that hasn’t touched us. We are stronger, wiser and better because of what some have said. And to those that are reading this that started the rumors and searched Google for references, we love you! It hasn’t been the most comfortable process, but we are in this together. We love each other. I love Luther Vandross (big and small), Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Donnie Hathaway, Whitney Houston, Teddy Pendergrass, Betty Wright and all of the others known for making soulful love music, but Maranda is a love song all by herself. Every day we decide to live and give life another day we write a verse to that song. Every time we look at each other and ask why people say some of the things they say and do some of the things they do, we write a verse to that song. Truthfully, you don’t have to understand our love to know that it’s love.
This is why I can stand and smile. You can’t tell her something she doesn’t already know. Try and see what happens! This is our story. This is our song. I was made to love her. I don’t have any regrets. I don’t have any sorrows. All I have is one life to live and for the rest of that life I will love the one that God gave me. I didn’t know love could be like this. Are our lives perfect? They are not. Do we have issues? We surely do. We are just committed to loving each other the way the other needs to be love..that includes in the midst of what some of you have to say. I don’t mind you talking about us. Just tell the truth about what you say.
P.S. This is NOT what I originally intended to blog about, but it went here, so…there you have it. I guess I’ll come back with my original intent in a week or so. Know this one thing for sure…this is the Lord’s doing and it is marvelous in our eyes!
Jamil,
I have always admired your transparency. You are a great man of God. Thanks for sharing.
Jamil I wish that more people were as honest and loving as you are. It’s a wonderful thing to love, be loved, and be in love. I wish you and maranda all the love your hand and heart can hold. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog good luck!!!!
Jamil this is beautiful. You have made my evening. I read this and remain hopeful knowing that in due season i will have the love you share with Maranda. im in tears because of the oppression u have faced, but they are also tears of joy knowing the strength you have to withstand the battle. i love you and maranda for this blog i am thankful and overjoyed.
Great story, Brudda!! Thankful for your life and contribution to the World!
#BAM!!! What more can you say it’s all said and done… Whoop there it is!!!!
Speak brother!!!! I just finished commenting on Di’s page and Wow, thanks. I told her – I am consistently amazed at 1) how ignorant people can sometimes be 2) how immature people can sometimes be & 3) How people find so much time to be in other people’s business! I found myself getting upset in class at our great institution as people made such blanketed, irresponsible, and unfounded statements, generalizations and foolishness as they spoke about “AIDS”, while much of it should have been spoken in terms of “HIV”… I digress, and know that G-d has given you incredible strength, faith, courage and wisdom.. continue to walk in it. I thanks G-d for you two, and pray that you will continue to be blessed and prosper! Love ya and keep inspiring! G-d’s will, never ours!
My condition is not my conclusion. Will preach. I appreciate your transparency. Amazing story I wish y’all the best.
I love you guys (you and your WIFE) strength. It takes two to write a passionate story like this. We have all been through our own struggles. I wish everyone could see it like this, however, that’s also impossible. Then it would be a perfect world. We are strong because of the struggles and words people threw our way. Thankfully, I have been associated with great friends as yourself. I love you and always will. I will pray for your enemies and you should do the same. I love the way you welcome everyone, even those who belittle you. Lovely…
P.S: I haven’t met your wife… We need to do lunch
Jamil, I didn’t realize all that was going on. However you have a story that needs to be told. Maybe you should write a book. You are a living testimony of what God can and is doing. Great story. Blessings to you an Miranda
Man we have so much respect for you Man of God. My son saw your picture and said I really like that guy! That’s something when you impact a 10 year old but it goes to show you are so favored by God. You are a world changer and I am so honored to know you and your wife. Seattle loves you all so much..well at least the Bass Family! (Tell Maranda – I can’t want it!)
Thank you my dear brother in the faith for telling your truth! S.S 4:16-5:1 NIV (Beloved) Awake , north wind, and come south wind ! Blow upon my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. (Lover) I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my milk; I have drunk my wine and my milk. ( Friends) Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers ! NRSV says be drunk with love ! This is my scripture covenant of blessing on your marriage ! LOL
Jamil, From the day I spoke to you on the phone when you called to secure the venue for your reception I knew their was something special about you two. Then after God interrupted my lunch and caused me to pray for the two of you I really knew that God loved you as well. Since I was praying in my tongues I did not know what I was praying for but when I felt the release in my spirit I knew that the will of the Lord had been accomplished. I have continued to pray for you and your marriage but after reading this I will pray for you even the more. Know this that God has a plan and purpose for you life and I am so glad that I got a chance to have a small part in making your day a special one.
Jamil I thank God for you. I trust you will be happy and successful in everything you do. More than anything stay in Gods will and you and your wife be used by God.
Proud of you, man. Continue to be strong, and let God lead you in all you do. God bless.
I Love my Brother and My Sister – God will have the last laugh – All the Naysayers will see what God has and will do…. By the Way people should watch who they put their mouth on – Touch Not……
Wow…what more can one say…I am truly amazed and blessed by your testimony. The Word says that He will prepare a table for us in the pressence of our enemies…but what His Word doesn’t say is those enemies are often those who rolled in our camp, ate at our table, called our mother “Moms”, wore our clothes, and slept on our sofa. They are the ones who have learned so much about us over the years that they think they know what is best for us, and that God needs their opinion on how to guide us…but there is a Judas or two in every camp. I am glad that you and Maranda both obeyed the voice of the Lord and didn’t just have a wedding…but are now Married!!! There is nothing like telling the devil to get under your feet!!! This blog did just that. I appreciate your truth, your transparency, your unending love for your wife, and above all your love for the Lord…continue to wash her in the Word of God. Bishop and I love you both.
I want to say that I commend you for even taking the time to make this type of statment when you didn’t even have to…one thing about people is that some of them will always be curious and try to keep things going. You and Miranda are in God’s hands and you are blessed and highly favored! Miranda is one of my favorite singers as well as my daughters and nothing and no one can change that! Continue to walk in your annointing and hold your heads up high and the blessings of the Lord belongs to you!
Love you both,
Evang. Tammy
Mil…I LOVE YOU DEARLY!!!! I admire you!!! YOU INSPIRE ME!!! Maranda.
…I LOVE YOU DEARLY!!! I admire you!!! YOU INSPIRE ME!!! (TEARS)!!!
You never mention homosexuality in your post. Which I am one of those you don’t believe you because of that. Nothing to do with HIV. In being transparent you left that out. Can you explain to us how you plan to have children naturally having HIV?
WOW is the word that I used to describe this message when I read it on twitter, but I would like to retract that word and use something different… This message is LIFECHANGING…just reading this really impacted my life on so many levels…you are truly respected even more so for your willingness to be open and honest about your life…Seeing how God saw fit for you and your bride to become one is truly amazing…I pray that all that are not saved will see Christ in your marriage and want to have Him as the Lord of their lives.
Jamil, I honor you sir and I respect you very much for your candidness (is that a word? lol) & openess! You didn’t have to disclose any of this information and the mere fact that you did speaks volumes about your intregity and your character! Many blessing to you sir! (My Condition is not my Conclusion)
GOD BLESS YOU. AND LET THOSE WITHOUT SIN AND A PAST, CAST THE FIRST STONE. WE PRAY GOD’S BLESSING UPON YOU! THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY AND OPENNESS…SOMETHING MOST CHRISTIANS ARE AFRAID TO PRACTICE. YOUR STORY NEEDS TO BE SHARED ON A LARGE SCALE FORUM. CONTACT ESSENCE, GOSPEL TODAY, TBN, WRITE A BOOK! WE PRAY THE HEALING POWER OF JESUS FLOW THRU YOUR BODIES FROM HEAD TO TOE.
God Bless you man of God. Beautiful testimony! This is what God meant for marriage most people get it wrong all the time and that is the reason for the high divorce rate. This is a wonderful message about selfless love which is what’s required in a marriage. I just came across your blog and I don’t know you or Maranda nor have I ever heard of you, but boy am I glad I saw your blog all I can say is…………… I can’t wait for the book! You write so beautifully. I pray God’s greatest blessings upon you, and your lovely wife. We know God to be a healer, so HIV is no match for GOD!
Blessings,
Darlene
My brother in Christ! Man I was tremendoulsy blessed by this post that I stumbled upon. Keep allowing the Lord to use you to bless the masses. The greater the attack, the greater the harvest. God Bless!
And THIS is why I love and respect my brother!!! Jamil, you and Maranda are so special to me, as if I’ve known you guys my whole life. And I will cut a nucka over y’all!!! Keeping being YOU!